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Our close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered many hardships, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been constantly taken by surprise by others. Her spouse walked away, which came as a massive blow. Several of close acquaintances vanished at that point, since they had been focused solely on him. It shocked her deeply. She put in increased attention to be my friend, and must have grasped better the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, many close to her have drifted apart leaving her knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been very skilled at her work, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we've both left the workforce and are seeing each other more, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce discussion points only for her to redirect the talk toward what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds strong opinions. My effort is to recommend factchecking and different perspectives.

She is planning a trip to a country I know well many times even called home for some time. My intention was to provide advice, however, my input unappreciated. She essentially only wanted me to confirm her plans. I have returned from a month in that place she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she can understand the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. At this point, my state is pulling back. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

One option is to cut and run, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of working things out demands strength and readiness from both people.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be as factual as possible like exactly what occurs. Step two is to tell the way it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument on this point. Your feelings belong to you, after all. Finally is to question ways you together going to change the dynamics between you."

Consider your friend has a point of view, meaning you must to be prepared to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say her:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's wildly effective for promoting better communication.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss your concerns, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a story of their life they cannot let go of because their very survival relies on it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge when there seems no easy route in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react defensively before reflecting your perspective. And even if you don't achieve an agreement, you'll have satisfaction that you've been honest with her.